Painful Moments “Moment Five”

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In the year of 2019, on a rainy day, where clouds were covering all the parts of the moon. I don’t remember the number of the people that were in the house on that night. Everything related to those dark days, seemed to me like a terrible nightmare that never left my imagination for a moment. Although I remember it strongly, the details are intermittent, as if someone had removed parts from my imagination.

I remember the night when I got out of the car, looking up at the place, at the people that were standing all around. They all were getting out of the car, some were excited, some not. But me, when the thing I wanted finally happened, when the thing I kept dreaming of for years finally became true, my feeling on that night was horrible. I dreamed of that day so much, and imagined my reaction in thousands of ways. But my actual reaction was never like a single one of the reactions I’ve always imagined.

When that rainy day came. I went out of the bath drying my hair with the towel, when I heard them talking downstairs. I don’t know if they were fighting or talking, but I do know that her voice is not quiet. They were about to start a fight. That was the moment that I’ve been waiting for, I’ve been waiting for him to come, to talk to us, I wanted to face him for so long after all these years. I brushed my hair, looked at myself in the mirror and closed my eyes taking a deep breath and went downstairs.

I don’t remember who was in the house on that night other than the three of us, even though there were more people, but it felt like it was just the three of us, like everyone left for us to have this conversation. I stood in the back seeing him talking to her. He was mocking, I remember his features when she was crying to him, asking for help. I couldn’t believe that I was mistaken with the person I’ve always thought was the right person, he was my idol, the person that I’ve always wanted to become like.

I couldn’t bear it, when she was explaining to him crying, he was making fun of what she was saying. I approached and shouted. I was so mad at that moment to the point I don’t remember exactly what I said to him that made him approach both of us in a very cold way, raising his two fingers saying, “All that you are having on, right now is from me, without me you’ve been nothing. So, don’t come and say that you are doing me a favor. I’m the one who is doing you a favor. And whatever I’m giving him, is because I’m generous, he doesn’t even deserve what I’m giving him.”

Then he went upstairs, I froze in my place, working so hard on holding up my tears and preventing them from falling. I don’t know why I couldn’t reply, but I said to myself that I will never let him out of the house without saying to him what I want to say. I waited for him downstairs, taking my breath trying my best to stay strong and not falling apart. Then I heard his steps on the stairs. I wiped my teary eyes and looked at him opening the house door. I called him.

“The same way you are supporting him, he is supporting you, so don’t think of yourself doing us a favor.” I said. He looked at me in a mocker way and left. I slapped the door behind him. And that’s when I fell apart and burst out crying leaning my head on the door.

Pictures are taken from: Pinterest.
Pictures Credits: @velvet / @dikenli1papatya / @valgibi / @sen17yasimsin / @the nisa / @sarkiutopyam / unknown.
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Resimler Kredi: @velvet / @dikenli1papatya / @valgibi / @sen17yasimsin / @the nisa / @sarkiutopyam / bilinmeyen.

“It’s nice to imagine, but then?”

“It was a nice lie, I believed it”

Time sleep is the medicine for everything”

“Don’t look at my laughter, I’m actually a very unhappy person”

“I’m tired, I can’t even bear myself”

“Then something happens. And you cannot become like before anymore.”

“How much we died just to live a little bit..”

“Actually there’s nothing like this. You imagined. You said it would be. I will walk, I may fall. But there’s nothing. You thought there’s something.”

“Then a photo appears in front of you, all what you thought you forgot through all this time, makes you kneel in front of the longing.”

“I became tired from making myself tired..”

“Sometimes I feel like I want to walk for hours, like by walking everything will pass..”

“Before, I used to think that the worst thing in life is to stay alone. No, it’s not. The worst thing in life is staying between the people who make you feel alone..”

“Unfortunately you’re crazy, deranged, and out of your mind. But do you want me to give you a secret? All good people deep inside are like this.”

“Mom, I’m so in pain.”

“By the way, does everyone go through what they made others go through?”

“Did you hear my silence?”

-Oğuz Atay

“We’re going to scream, they will never hear. Always the same story.”

“At the end, I explained all my fears to you and now my fear is you.”

From “Thanks for your existence in my life” to “Take care of yourself”…

“I became a person like ice, they didn’t leave me feelings.”

“We learned to stay lonely from people who said we will never go to us.”

“There are some dates that you didn’t forget, you couldn’t forget.”

“The heart is really burning.”

“It won’t pass, it won’t, it stays in your mind and you can’t forget, even though he’s not that important person…”

“A lot of songs were deleted from our playlists, in order to make us remember some things.”

“I swear you’re a big frustration, I swear you’re a big sigh, you’re a big deep pain.”

“If we sat down and talked maybe everything could’ve passed, turning your head and ignoring wasn’t even indicating love.”

-Cahit zarifoğlu

“But you’ve never been with me, maybe your mind or your heart has been somewhere else.”

Sometimes when a person says, “I’m fine” they really need someone to look into their eyes and say, “I know you’re not.”

“Do you think of me?”

“Everything falls apart as I try to pick it up.”

“I know you will win, but I don’t know how many times after losing.”

-Sagopa Kajmer

“One day you’ll look, my name changed to an Instagram user…”

“What I want to say is; Know me as a wave that hit the beach but didn’t reach your toes… so misplaced, so lost in the blues.”

“Please make me sleep on your chest, I’m so tired.”

For the painful moments “moment six”, please visit this link Painful Moments

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