Painful Moments “Moment Six”

The picture is taken from: Pinterest; Credit: @1wc.

In one of the sad years, I left the building at exactly 2:50pm. I was walking down the corridor on the fourth floor and everything around me was so quiet, the building was so empty, I was able to hear my footsteps. I don’t know how to describe my feelings. I wanted to cry so badly, but it felt like the thing that makes my tears fall just died.

My hope has been killed, my dreams were shattered and my ambition? I don’t think there was an ambition after that moment. I walked slowly, my feets were hardly carrying me. I was so exhausted. I closed my eyes. I had an ugly feeling, I wanted to cry, I really wanted to cry, but I couldn’t. I just continued walking silently. I went down to the first floor of the glass building.

I looked to my left, and remembered everything from the beginning to the end. How everything started and how it now ended. All the beautiful moments that I experienced, although they were short, I really loved every second I spent in these moments. I loved the moments so much that I forgot that I have a curse I take with me everywhere I go, which ruins everything I love, and hurts and breaks all my heart’s parts.

I opened the door of the building and walked out. The wind outside wiped my face, as if it was consoling my pain. I continued my way with my dried eyes, until I reached my car. For the first time, I sat in my car without crying or falling apart. Instead, I put on my seat belt, and started driving, all the way back home.

When I started approaching home, my tears poured out like showers of rain. I got into the house, and no one was there. I went upstairs, washed, wore my pajamas, performed ablution and prayed. I turned off my phone, so no one would reach me. I closed my eyes, and tears filled my pillow. And then that cute fur approached me and kissed me on my cheek and layed next to me.

The pain that I experienced that day was a different kind of pain, a very cold pain that brought me many things I had lost, back. On that day, I realized that I committed many crimes against myself. I broke my heart, I wasted my tears, I crushed my hopes and destroyed my dreams, and on top of all of this, I burned my soul and hurt my brain. My brain; that is still serving me among all that I did to it.

I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.

Pictures are taken from: Pinterest, Instagram.
Pictures Credits: @1wc / @Rahaf / @uli_ql / @text.ns / @fetln / @1nfq / unknown.

“I needed a hug that puts out all this fire inside me to something that pushes the chaos off my shoulders”

“From one night to another I wait for something that will never happen to happen”

“There is a captivating army of old weariness in my body”

“Lots of waiting destroys desire”

“I live the night alone in my dark bedroom and my mind never stops thinking”

“My Allah I’m trying so please don’t leave my hand.”

“A day will come and change all the maps of my life… A day will come”

“In fact, everything we write is a small part of what is inside us. We don’t write the entire story, so that no one knows who we are.”

“It is a bitter thing, for a person to yearn for what he will never achieve.”

“Breaking the perfume bottle makes you smell it strongly. But for the last time..”

“Then he comes back alone as if he never had been with anyone”

“Nothing bothered me, as much as my thoughts did.”

“Allah will compensate you for all this fatigue that you resisted without speaking.”

“Tired of walking
Unable to stand and afraid to turn around.”

“I knew from the beginning that I would come back to repair this heart alone.”

“But I know what it means to be exhausted to the extent that a fleeting question makes you cry.”

“I wish I could leave my thoughts the way I leave a place where I feel uncomfortable.”

“I understand very well the people who choose to be isolated for a while
Nothing repairs a person or brings him to himself other than himself.”

“Allah has heard your conversation with yourself while you were calming her down and telling her that he will take care of her. Do you think Allah will let you down?”

“I am not interested in anything, all the things I thought I loved have completely lost their meaning.”

“I know very well the bitterness of closing your eyes and the scene never changes.”

“No human can bear all this in his chest alone, but I did.”

“I have no desire, as if this time I gave up all my desires.”

“He wants and does not want, he desires and fears what he desires, his whole life is like this.”

“I don’t want to pay attention, I lived my beautiful moments absentmindedly.”

“I know very well what it means for a person to look with disappointment at the very things he stared at with hope.”

“You don’t know what it means for a person to punish himself by leaving what he loves.”

“I seem to have entered life late. All the things I loved have been used up or possessed by other people.”

“There are moments that pass in our lives
We all realize that when they happen we will spend a very long time without forgetting them.”

“I know the things I’ve always wanted will come but in a moment when I have already stopped waiting for them.”

“I’m just trying to keep my soul away so it doesn’t get attached to something it will love today and is gone tomorrow.”

“You knew the end from the beginning, why did you insist on going down a road that had no use for you but pain.”

“Eventually one of them will get over it, and the other will be stuck forever.”

“Please leave me, your presence is no longer welcomed.”

“I don’t know how long I need to get rid of this feeling and I don’t know what feeling I mean.”

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