Painful Moments "Moment Three"

The picture is taken from: Pinterest; Credit: @Quotes’nd Notes.

In the tenth month of 2017, I took permission from my sports teacher to go up to the classroom to study biology. I went to the class, I stood on the window, looking downstairs at my classmates playing together, I smiled. Then I opened my book and notebook and started studying. While I was studying, I had a nice feeling, and I started imagining him coming to the class, opening the door, stepping into the class and having a cute conversation together. Few minutes later, I was focusing, summarizing the information in my notebook and suddenly the class’s door was knocked.

And the guy that I was imagining opened the door and asked me something. I kept looking at him with no words. He was waiting for me to answer, I kept looking at him with no words, then he asked another thing. And I had no clue of what he was saying, I told him that I don’t speak his language and he was like “Oh I’m sorry.” And then he smiled at me and left, closing the classroom door behind him.

I smiled to myself wondering, did just what I imagined happened for real?! I continued studying. At the end of the day, I walked next to my biology teacher. The weather was so nice on that day. She told me back then, that she believes that I will get over all the obstacles and that I will be able to make it. My conversation with her made me feel calm.

I went back home, chatting with my best friend on the phone. And everything was okay and normal, until I stepped into my flat’s building, and opened that iron black door with the keys. A sad feeling hit me, and my smile all of a sudden disappeared. I tried to ignore that feeling, convincing myself that it’s probably because my beautiful school day just ended and I’m going back home.

I went up in the elevator to the ninth floor. When the elevator’s door opened, that sad feeling started getting stronger, and step by step, something was kind of pulling me not to open that door. I walked slowly, stood on the door’s mat, put the keys in, and opened the door. Everything was kind of okay. I started talking off my shoes and saw her crying. I went to my bedroom as crying was a thing that I’m used to hearing daily. The only difference was him, sitting on the couch at 3 pm and not out at work.

I put my school bag, and then while the two were outside the third came to me and said, “I got to tell you something.” I looked at her with no words and that sad feeling started mounting inside me. Then she continued, “But I need you to stay calm.” My eyes went wide open and that feeling was about to eat me. I was feeling my heart beat inside my mouth, and looked at her and said, “What is it?” She paused for a minute, then said, “He died.”

I cannot describe the feelings that I had when I heard that sentence. I started shaking my head, saying, quietly “No, no.” And the tears started filling out my eyes. I went outside. She was crying and praying and he was just sitting not saying a word. I stepped next to him, looking at him asking, “Did he actually die?” He looked at me and said sadly, “May his soul rest in peace.” “No.” I said and the tears started falling down. I ran away and started crying all the way to the upstairs.

I opened that empty room’s door and stepped into it, running to the balcony. I opened the door and took a deep breath and started shouting at the sky saying, “He’s gone, Allah. You took him. He’s gone to you. What am I going to do now? He’s gone. You went and took all my dreams with you. What am I going to do without you? You left without even saying goodbye.”

I sat on the floor, like a lost girl with no goal to strive to, and no plan to relate to.