Phantom Nights “Night Six”

The picture is edited by me @rawadalzahabi.

Your smile did not disappear from my mind not for a moment. When you used to walk in, smiling, raising up your hand, and saying “Good morning.” That smile was enough to make my whole day beautiful, when it used to be so damn horrible. Coming to our work place, waiting for you to come, was my first job everyday. Keep looking through the window, watching the empty streets, looking only for you. And once you started showing up from afar, walking; a huge smile used to drop on my face, but I never showed it to you. Passing next to my desk, with your soap smelling clothes, and your organized hair. These moments were one of the best moments ever back in that awful year.

That night, I was thinking of quitting the work. “I’m not coming to work anymore. This is my last day here.” I said in pain. “Don’t do this. These things always happen.” You said. “No.” I said in pain, moving my head with my teary eyes. “We all will be missing you.” You said. I looked at you, and asked, “Do you want me to come?” You posed for a second, then said, “If you come after 3 days, you will hear the answer to this question.” I looked at you with no words. I really wanted to hear the yes word from you, but I don’t know why you didn’t say it. Few seconds later, you said, “Go wash your face now, because it’s still showing that you were crying.” Then you pointed at my parents who were sitting outside. I took a deep breath, and moved my head (Yes). Then I left.

3 days passed, and I didn’t show up after then. The reason for these 3 days was because I had to leave my work for a personal occasion, and in fact it wasn’t an occasion, it was a punishment in my perspective. But I had no other choice other than going to it. So, I was supposed to come back to work after these 3 days, but due to what happened that night, I was thinking of quitting the work. But I won’t lie, you made me feel curious to know what your answer was supposed to be. Anyway, my personal occasion unfortunately lasted for 15 days, and I never got the chance to go to work. And for me, seeing you was way better than seeing the people on the occasion. On the 16th day, I finally came back. I was so excited. Your face reaction when you saw me showing back again, never left my memory for even a second. I can see it even now, when I’m writing this. You were smiling like a little kid, Then you said, “You’re back!” I smiled at you, saying, “I’m back.”

On the night of that day, our work place was empty and there were no customers. You were sitting back there, behind the computer, choosing a song to play on the radio. I was sitting on the chair in front of my desk, looking at you. Few seconds later, I went to you. I stood up in front of you, putting my arms on the desk that was behind the computer, and looked at you smiling, asking, “So, you don’t want to know what I did in these 15 days?” You smiled. I did this because I wanted to talk to you about anything. Like literally anything. Talking to you used to always make me feel better. Even though that personal occasion was dreadful and bad and wasn’t nice at all. But I showed you the opposite of that, because I wanted to. And I, without knowing your answer, started talking without stopping, telling you everything. You kept looking at me, and at the computer; you seemed like trying to find a song or something.

Few seconds later, you asked me to stop talking and to listen to the song. I didn’t stop because I was in an exciting part of the event, that now, I have no idea what it was. “Just, stop for a second, and listen to the song.” You said to me. “I know this song, just let me continue.” I replied. “Just for a second; don’t you like this singer, just listen to this part of the song, please.” I leaned my head, looked at you, and smiled, and started focusing on the part, looking at the wall. And while the part was playing, you were looking at me with no words. I looked at you for a second, you were staring at me. I turned back looking at the wall, trying to avoid eye contact with you. “This is what exactly happened to me when you were not here.” I looked back at you, making eye contact. “I mean, what happened to us, all, here.” You fixed your sentence.

The song was saying, “Everything in the days where you didn’t show up, I counted. Everything in the nights that I had dreams, I called you.” When you fixed your sentence after the song part, I smiled, shook my head in the meaning of (I understood), and continued explaining that ridiculous story from where I stopped. You were shocked by my reaction, and didn’t do a thing. Instead, you stayed quiet, smiled, and kept listening to me. Even though, if I was in your place, I would never listen, because of how boring the story was. I know that I never showed you how happy I felt at that moment, when you made me hear this part. But deep inside I was flying up from how happy I was.

I know that I knew this song, but for some reason I couldn’t remember its name. When I turned back home, it felt like someone deleted the part from my brain. I wanted to remember that part of the song so badly, but I couldn’t. A few hours later all of a sudden, I started remembering the music of it, but not the lyrics. And slowly, and word by word, the part that you made me listen to came back to my brain. I hurried up to my phone and wrote down the part, and the song’s name showed up. And I listened to every word that was in that song that night. Especially that part, that you made me hear; repeating it, again and again and smiling.

You know what? You were that rare person that was able to enter deep inside and see me as I was. My masks used to drop in front of you, when I never was that easy person. Probably because you came on the right time when I needed someone to be by my side. You never hurt me once. And the day you saw me crying and asked me if you were the reason behind my tears, I told you it’s because of all of you; meaning you and the others. But in fact, you never hurt me. I said this back then, because I really wasn’t okay, and you were not close enough to me. I really don’t remember what you did on that day that made me cry, but it wasn’t because of you. Back then, there were a lot of heavy things happening in my life that I couldn’t explain. And your existence was the only thing that used to make me feel alright.

So, thank you for the red rose that you wanted to pick for me when I told you not to because it will die. Thank you for the street corn that I never wanted to eat because of it getting stuck in my teeth, which I ended up eating with you, laughing like an idiot. Thank you for mentioning to me that your only dream is to buy a motorcycle and have the girl you love sitting behind you. Thank you for telling me that you wish me to sit eating, sharing my bread on the same table with you. Thank you for the delicious sandwich that you used to make for me when I used to be so hungry. Thank you for your tasty orange juice on every hot summer day. Thank you for the strawberry milkshake that you made for me when I came back that day. And thank you for last night; our goodbye night, when I ran away, and you ignored everyone and followed me, just because you were worried about me walking alone in the empty streets at a late time.

Pictures are taken from: Pinterest, Instagram.
Pictures Credits: @rawadalzahabi / @AHMADEDITS / @impossible_love / @MJCODEZ / @MAZE / @مريم جمال / @amahanna/ @salma_nj522 / unknown.

“If someone left your life, be sure that someone is about to arrive”

“Some people will leave you, but that is not the end of the story but the end of their role in your story!”

“Then what you wanted comes to you when you don’t want it anymore :)”

“There’s a weird moment in someone’s life, they don’t know how to explain it or even understand its secret ever, but this moment makes everything new in their coming life.”

“Is there anyone missing us? Maybe looking at the photos.. Looking in the places from the memory smell. Crying.. Smiling..”

“Even with all of the interior scratches that are in you, you’re still smiling, consoling, asking, caring, doing more and more for them, carrying about everyone’s feelings, being careful all the time to not make anyone notice what is exactly going on inside you. Do you still believe that you’re a normal person?”

“No one know that small moments that your soul died in.. and no one knows when did it back or how.. and no one knows why you’re smiling while you’re alone.. so stay strong just for yourself”

“Your need to be alone means, that you have a speech no one can understand”

“Things that go without you, don’t you dare and stand in front of them, don’t even make the slightest effort on getting back the things that chose not to come to you”

“When someone loses their expectations of someone they really wanted.. no one can give them back their reassurance about anything”

“Not everyone looking at you means they mean you, maybe they can see through you things from the past that are similar to you”

“I won’t tell you that I need you and won’t be honest with you, you won’t see me in pain anymore, we won’t ever fight, I will be so quiet to the way that makes you feel that I’m not existed, I’m trying to stay beside you in anyway, but you don’t understand it in the right way.. I was fighting for you until I found myself killed”

“I wanted to stay with you for always, but you leave me and never feel me, you ignore me and never hear me, you want to stay but you don’t tell me, you love me but you never talk to me, you want me but you never come to me”

“I still write about you although you’re no longer closest to my heart, but you’re the only one who touched it”

“I love your speech but don’t speak to you. Do you know what my contradiction is? I make myself forgot about you but mean you in my writings, I miss you but never let myself admitting it, I love your speech but don’t speak to you”

“The hardest type of waiting: To wait for someone you know won’t come.. Or wait for a call from someone you’re pretty sure they won’t call.. And even though you know the result, you are always still waiting.. Looking from your home’s window hoping them to come, looking at your phone’s screen hoping them to call”

“Hope you were nothing.. Hope I never saw you.. Hope days never made me know you”

“Most of the times admitting your love to someone, is a type of a suicide types”

“Hiding the longing is suffocation”

“It’s a very bad feeling when you stop talking to someone you daily got used to talk to”

“I know you’re getting my messages and it hurts me that you don’t care”

“What if we were two hands in a watch?! I meet you and hug you, then stand counting seconds to meet you again after sixty seconds separation”

“There are some people when you meet them you feel like you’ve met yourself”

“My heart stands in everything and falls for you”

“Life narrows me, but your laughter widens me”

“He was the only person that I don’t make up excuses with, don’t pretend my happiness, don’t write my words, don’t feel bored, and don’t count minutes to run away from”

“Since you started talking to me for the first time, and I wanted to say can you stay forever”

“I was always honest, I didn’t make up any of those words that I used to tell you spontaneously, everything came out of my mouth, I felt it in my chest.”

“I don’t care to be the first page.. but to be the section that you remember the whole book for.”

“Perhaps the one who left you, created an opportunity for a thousand people who would like to buy your laugh”

“And he replied saying: From your heart’s side I came, an old friend.”

“Revelation may spoil the story as long as lovers don’t say what they really mean no matter how they express it.”

“Do you know what I want? I just want to live through my day
Then come to you to tell you about it at night.”

“You are killed by anyone you love, so choose for yourself in passion who you want.”

For the next category in my website, please visit this link Painful Moments

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